I and Thou

Close Relationships

Homosexuals

Homosexuality is common among animals and has been a featured of sophisticated societies. Both men and woman may prefer same sex relationships and the variations are many. Women have been exploited and constrained lacking the freedom and independence to pursue homosexual relationships as men enjoyed. We have recognized that the development of psychic gender identity is not an on and off affair but involves a mix of semi-independent variables with many possible combinations. By in large, humans do not invent their sexual interests and behaviors. They manifest their sexual interests and behaviors. Each person is adaptable but has a set of innate preferences that both guide and limit the choice of sexual partners. Innate preferences are biologically determined by the interaction of DNA/RNA programming with the physical and social environment.

Gay and lesbian hangouts gather diverse individuals with many body-psyche gender variations. While each individual may feel that he or she or she-he is choosing a lover or mate, his or her choices, like all human choices, are directed and constrained by programs built into the brain and modified by hormones and environmental determinants. Some children have a strong sense of gender identity incompatible with their sexual organs. These children, if they are lucky, will be supported by parents and will eventually become transgender. Some adolescents are confused about their same sex attractions and spend several years experimenting with different relationships while concealing their homosexual identity.

All individuals who differ from the heterosexual mean are concerned about discrimination and resist being labeled as aberrant, sick or genetically defective. Many want to believe their sexual orientation is a matter of choice and do not understand how a sophisticated biological understanding of gender determination can help them adapt to their own mix of gender characteristics.

Homosexuals have many sexual relationships and short term, live-in relationships. Some seek love, fidelity and long-term committed relationships. Some gay couples marry and raise children and claim the same rights and privileges as the most committed of heterosexual couples. Psychologist, Berring, speaking about infidelity stated: " We do form deep romantic attachments, and the emotional scaffolding on which these attachments are built is extraordinarily sensitive to our partners’ sexual indiscretions. I also say this as a gay man who, according to mainstream evolutionary thinking, shouldn’t be terribly concerned about his partner having sex with strangers. After all, it isn’t as though he’s going to get pregnant and cuckold me into raising another man’s offspring. But if you’d explained that to me as I was screaming invectives at one of my partners following my discovery that he was cheating on me, curled up in the fetal position in the corner of my kitchen and rocking myself into self-pitying oblivion." [i]

[i] Jesse Bering . Polyamory chic, gay jealousy and the evolution of a broken heart . Sc American Blog. http://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/post.cfm?id=polyamory-chic-gay-jealousy-and-the-2010-08-25


  • The book, I and Thou, focuses on intimate relationships. Innate tendencies are hard at work when people meet, become lovers and end with arguments and fighting. The same tendencies determine how family members interact and explain why so many families are “dysfunctional.” When lovers form an enduring pair bond, they often become parents and everything changes. Humans seek bonding with others and are distressed when they become isolated. Humans bond to each other in several ways. The most enduring bonds are kin-related, based on closely shared genes. The deepest bonding occurs when mother and infant are together continuously from birth and mother breast-feeds the infant. Bonds among family members are the most enduring. Bonds to friends, lovers and spouses are the next most significant. Bonds to colleagues, neighbors and even strangers that are admired from a distance are next. Friendships are often temporary bonds, based on the need to affiliate with others for protection, social status, feeding, sex and fun.

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